


How to be Human

by MusicMuseum



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Multi, courting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicMuseum/pseuds/MusicMuseum
Summary: Cole is confused about his feelings for the Inquisitor. Dorian helps out by giving him a how-to book on 'how to' deal with his emotions. What better way to become more human than falling in love?





	1. [0]

A weight drops so suddenly into his hands that Cole nearly lets it fall to the ground. He had been feeding the pigeons that often frequented through the hole in the roof of the tavern, despite knowing that every time the Inquisitor comes to visit, they attempt to persuade the quartermaster to fix it, but he declines each time. He likes the birds. They were peaceful and carefree. Besides, he knew that the Inquisitor would never want him to change his 'quirky ways', as they put it themselves. And that's why Cole had been distracted, caught completely unaware. He'd been consumed with thoughts of the Inquisitor. Of their kindness, and strength, and all the things he aspired to be. They unremorsefully spoke their mind, allowed themselves the right to every possible emotion, and felt wholly and truly. So very human.

But now, Cole's thoughts have been drawn back to the world around him. He glances down to the book he now grasps two-handedly. It was thin, but still had weight to it, and was bound in an embossed, deep purple leather, Impressions clung to it. Desperation, want, longing. Some things sweet, some things malicious.

"Well, that certainly can't be hygienic." Dorian says, voice strained and face scrunched up. He has always been bewildered by the habits of those in the South. Cole wasn't even a human, let alone Fereldan, and he still let animals loiter around his living area (which honestly explained it. He was a naïve spirit with no concept of cleanliness. Either way, Dorian was convinced that it was something in the air.)

Cole can feel the slight repulsion radiating off of Dorian, an emotion he'd become quite acquainted with since joining the Inquisition. But it was absent of the maliciousness he'd been used to from others, and it wasn't directed at him, but the environment. It was so unlike what the mage has been used to his whole life.

"Grew up on clean, silk sheets, and jewel-adorned bed frames. They burn in the candlelight, glisten like the stars, like the golden eyes dreamt about each night, like Cul-" Cole hesitates once he sees the raised eyebrow, a social cue he'd recently learned from Josephine, and decided to take her advice on broaching a different topic when he saw it.

"I like the birds. I don't have to make them forget me when I help." Dorian's face relaxes considerably, and a wave of pity and sorrow rolls off him, which Cole thinks he can see sparkling in his eyes. Maybe it was the small candle catching the light in them instead. He wasn't very good at reading facial expressions yet. "Candlelight always makes gems shine bright." He comments.

"Travesties aside," Dorian interjects awkwardly. "I've seen the way you've been looking at our dear Inquisitor, and I feel as though that book can help give you what you want."

"Everyone looks to the shining light during the storm for guidance," Cole pauses, glancing down to the book. "How can this help me achieve what I want? I wish to help, and though they were desperate, they were also selfish." He speaks to the auras surrounding the book.

"I believe you are more human than you think, Cole. You probably have more wishes a desires that are unbeknownst to you." Dorian sighs heavily, and questions what he was doing. "I believe you should get what you want too. In order to become more human, you have to be able to switch off your goody-two shoes, self-sacrificing nature for at least a few minutes. This book should help you."

"…be more human?" He asks enthusiastically.

"In a way, yes. But, despite your nature, be careful."

"Careful? Can this book hurt me?" Cole looks at the offending item. Maybe the symbols were really runes that could trap people inside once they read it. The longing and desperation could have been from those trapped inside, and-

"Of course not! A few bits of parchment aren't going to hurt you," He laughs, mirth in his eyes. "At least not the ones I'm giving you. But you do have to be careful with what results from it."

They stand in silence for a few seconds, and Cole can feel the room sour with awkwardness. Apparently, it was so sour that it disturbed the birds from their meal, and flew about the attic and out the hole.

"Oh, for Tevinter's sake! What the bloody hell is wrong with Fereldan? It seems that it's mostly comprised of bird shit, dog shit, and bull shit!" Dorian exclaims to no one in particular, save maybe the birds and the white stripe of droppings down his robes.

"They meant no harm," Cole muses, his chest feeling bubbly and light.

"Not at all. But I Just had these robes cleaned! Ah, nevermind it. I must go and get cleaned up. Good luck with your endeavors, Cole." He turns on his heel to leave, but Cole places a hand on his shoulder. Dorian doesn't flinch away from the touch.

"Thank you" He says. Thank you for being willing to help me, unlike the others, he says unspoken.

"You're welcome," Dorian smiles, and Cole is glad. "But can you please remove your pigeon-food encrusted hand off my shoulder before you make it any worse," He finishes in a serious tone, but Cole a feeling that he, at least partly, isn't. He smiles and watches him as he leaves.

Cole skeptically inspects the book one last time, then opens it.

The first page reads, in bold cursive writing: How to be Romantic.

 


	2. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole is still confused as to what is happening, and Dorian and Cullen dance around each other.

Cole usually spends most of his time on expeditions with the Inquisitor or helping around Skyhold, whether it be feeding the resident animals, or soothing the pain of the injured in the medics' camp. Now, whenever he has the slightest amount of free time, he spends it reading the book gifted to him by Dorian. Occasionally, instead of devoting his full attention to them, he'll curl up with a few cats, and let their kittens play with his toes as he reads.

He was very confused when he first received it, so he had to seek Dorian out in the library for direction on what to do. Dorian had sighed, hoping that Cole, the most cryptic person he had the good graces (or not) of meeting, would've been able to understand his own crypticism. He explained that the book should help him achieve understanding of at least a few new emotions, if he chose to follow its instructions, and that Cole should be able to also understand his feelings for the Inquisitor.

Cole had asked Dorian how any of that was supposed to help him become human, and told him matter-of-factly that emotions were a human trait, and believed that it was only logical that Cole would become more human by learning about them and exploring them. About that time, Cullen had absent-mindedly wandered into the library, seemingly without purpose. Cole felt that his heart had pulled him into the cozy, dim-lit room, while his mind and thoughts endlessly swam until his eyes landed on Dorian. His mood immediately lifted, and Dorian apologized for being late for chess, which had caught Culled off guard. So many emotions were coming off the Commander, and Cole was about to voice them when Dorian showed him out of the room library with a pat on the back and a few words about seeing him if he was still having trouble.

Now, here Cole is, not an hour later, already confused again.

Step One: Be sure to show that you aren't interested in anyone else.

He has so many questions.

Interested? In what way? Romantically, as the book suggested, or something else? Cole isn't sure what exactly 'Romantically' even means, let alone if that's the way he feels about the Inquisitor. He knows for sure that there are still many emotions that he doesn't have a grasp on yet. Couldn't be one of those? How was Dorian so sure that 'Romantic' was the emotion he's feeling? He needs to go see Dorian again.

He's pretty sure that Cullen and Dorian's chess sessions last longer than just an hour, so he gently moves the cats from his bed, and sets off to the gardens.

By the time he gets there, the mage has apparently rushed off, leaving Cullen a confused mess. Cole could feel his uneasiness as he approaches him, and though he would never deny anyone the right to dislike him, Cullen has more reason than most. However, the Commander decides on a limb to extend an olive branch, and offers the play chess with the spirit. Cole hasn't a clue on how to play the game, and Cullen is more than delighted to tell him about the mechanics.

At that moment, Cole feels a familiar aura nearby growing stronger with increasing amounts of emotion. Trying not to be rude, he quickly side-glances in the direction he was interested in, (another socially appropriate move he learned from Josephine) though he didn't need to. He could feel recognize the aura of the Inquisitor anywhere.

He could feel their concern, as well as… some kind of apprehensiveness he wasn't familiar with…

Wait. Were they worried he was interested in Ser Cullen?! He turns his attention back to the Commander in front of him, who is so joyfully and animatedly speaking about the merits of chess, that he didn't realize the spirit isn't paying attention, let alone the distress emanating off him.

"SER CULLEN, I'M AFRAID I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU!" " Cole shouts, loud enough so the Inquisitor can hear him. Cullen immediately silences, and is confused, disappointed, and wondering if he did something wrong. Cole aches for him when he realizes it's the same sort of feelings he got from earlier when he initially saw him in the library, and again before he approached him in the gardens. He wishes to tell Cullen that it isn't his fault, that Cole just wants to make sure that the Inquisitor knows he isn't interested (in what? Playing chess? Having conversations?) He spares a glance at the Inquisitor one last time, who's now sporting a look of deepened concerned, and hurries off to find Dorian.

He determines very quickly that step one was a bust, and is once again, more confused than he's ever been before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, things will start to clear up for Cole in the next chapter!


	3. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole figures it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important A.N. at end, please read! Thanks (:

After at least a solid hour of searching around Skyhold, (Cole would swear that he didn’t get sidetracked by that baby bird with the broken leg, but he is staunchly against lying) he is nearly tempted to just give in, and instead get advice from someone just as well versed in situations such as this, like Varric.

Cole had been extremely surprised when he had discovered that the majority of Varric's tales were falsehood. Every time that he had been around when the dwarf told a tale, he had been enraptured by it. He supposes that's what makes him such a good writer. Despite the fact that the stories were so incredibly outlandish, many wanted to take them as truth because of the genuine emotion Varric was able to pour into them. Only someone who has experienced enough for multiple lifetimes could achieve such a deep understanding of emotions like that, and that leads Cole to believe that there must be at least some truth to them.

Eventually though, that becomes a thought for another time, because as he enters Ser Cullen's quarters to ask about Dorian's whereabouts, he's startled to find that he and the mage are deep within discussion. Though, he thinks that if he would've given it a bit more thought and a bit less frantic searching, this would've been the first place that he looked.

Dorian and Cullen progressively became closer after time. Both of them had been looking for a way to wind down as events were being to escalate and weigh more heavily on their shoulders, and subsequently found it in one another. They'd spent many hours over a chessboard, doing nothing other than enjoying the strategy of the game and the company of each other. The fact that they were polar opposites, a cool ex-templar and a temperamental mage, didn't dissuade the two in the slightest. In fact, it only gave them something to bond over even further. The unlikely duo had found their respect for each other growing while discussing the regrets of their past.

Cole knows that both of them hold high admiration for each other, Cullen especially. He can feel it radiating off the Commander every time he saw, which was most likely because the only time Cole really saw him was around the mage. With passing time, it's been growing, like a starving man gorging himself on food.

It isn't until now that Cole realizes exactly how much. He feels his desperation to touch the Tevinter sun under his fingers, to feel Dorian's glowing presence every chance he got. The constant concern, like an iron weight deep in Cullen's stomach, that each time the Inquisitor seeks his companionship on a quest, that it'll be the last time he sees him. He now harbors a willingness to do anything for him, that extends past the nature of comradery. Cullen's even come terms with the fact that he'd willingly let the life drain from his body before he'd remorseful let the mage take a blow. It's the same feeling that lightly colors the book in multiple layers. But it's the intensity of Cullen's current feelings, those that rival a saturated sunrise, that makes him realize that Cole feels the same for the Inquisitor as the Commander does about Dorian.

It suddenly all clicks into place, and Cole is confident that he no longer needs assistance from Dorian in figuring out what any of it means, but that doesn't change the fact that he's still there, standing in Ser Cullen's room, interrupting a conversation that may or may not be of extreme importance. His mind is both the guilty deer and the obsessive wolf, frantic to leave, and eager to chase.

"Cole? What is-"

"My apologies," He blurts, bowing his head sharply. "I figured it out, with the Commander's help."

"The Comma- what? If you'd slow down Cole, I-"

"I cannot, I must go. Both sides have left things unsaid, things undone. I have to go. Thank you so very much." Cole exits without another word, leaving Dorian and Cullen completely baffled. Dorian aburubtly turns his attention to Cullen and raises a brow.

"What exactly have you been teaching him lately, Commander?"

"Nothing! I swear," Cullen attests, hands raised up in a placating manner. Dorian merely tilts his head forward in playful skepticism. "Well… I did attempt to teach him about chess briefly after you abruptly left earlier, which you still haven't explained, mind you. But he ran off halfway through, yelling something or another about not being interested in me. Have any idea what that's about?"

Dorian sighs heavily, and tries to contemplate exactly when his life became so damn difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one's short, but I just recently started a job, and have been having trouble finding time to write. Plus, it's so dang hard to write Cole, but I think I've become to get a grasp on it.
> 
> So! I need input on this. Short chapters, about this length, in shorter amount of time, or longer chapters, say around twice the length, with longer waits? You decide! Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Cole rushes up the stairs of the tavern to get to what can only be called his room now. He finds it peculiar that people have designated areas that belong to him, but then again, he's been told by many, including those within the Inquisitor's circle, that he lacks the concept of 'personal space'. He does appreciate it though when he becomes overwhelmed by everything and wishes to be alone.

 

He gives a simple wave to the Iron Bull when he darts past, opposed to how he usually lets the Qunari wrap him up in conversation. This only seems to trouble him further than he already was. Iron Bull has grown restless, anxious, like the entire Storm Coast is enveloped in his chest and aching to be released. It's been a while since the Inquisitor has invited him to be apart of their party. Cole would normally stop and discuss it with him, but he's flying like the wind this time, and resolves to suggest him as a companion the next time they go out.

 

Cole picks up the book, and analyzes it with new eyes. The aura around it may still be weak, but his understanding is stronger, and he feels pulled to it now. He flips it open to the first chapter, and aches at the idea of how disheartening it would be if he discovered that the Inquisitor felt the way Cullen did about Dorian about someone else. The way Cole feels for them. He wonders briefly if they ache in the same way for him.

 

Cole knows that so many others, including those who've never actually meet the Inquisitor, herald them on a pillar higher than the greatest of heroes. Others who are actually human, who people aren't reflexively scared or despised of. People who can be seen in public with and not be scandalized. People who actually know what they're doing. Strong and muscular, dazzling smile, beautiful eyes. Confidence in every move, a fearless protector. Someone who's not Cole.

 

Feeling disheartened, he flips through each chapter, trying to find something he's feeling capable of at the moment. With each page comes a new distinct emotion, but Cole's suddenly too exhausted to even bother trying to decipher them.

 

Eventually, he decides on something he's more than comfortable with, something that'll soothe the knot that's tied itself into his stomach.

 

Chapter 5: Learn more about them, or become better acquainted with them.

 

Despite Cole's abilities, he knew the way people reacted when he voiced his thoughts, so he decided to restrain himself as much as he could out of respect when he was around them. It was so very difficult, and even excruciating at times. It was like constantly trying to breathe in oxygen while trying to force himself to drown. Because of this, he knew less about the Inquisitor than anyone else in Skyhold.

 

However, since the Inquisitor wasn't currently at Skyhold, he decided to do something he's done a time or two before: visit their room. Many believe that inviting yourself into someone's quarters without their permission was rude and frowned upon, but Cole merely offered them entrance into his own, since they were so bitter about not going into others'.

 

It was one of the few places he could be alone to clear his thoughts. Even the Inquisitor was seldom there, always so very busy, trying to keep up with the demands of a job they hadn't asked for. Everything there breathed comfort and sentimentality. Each object, from a little peasants girl's grateful gift of a dried rose, to scented Antivan candles from Josephine, all held a spot in the Inquisitors heart that made them refuse to let any of it go. Their walls are littered with an assortment of random drawings, jewelry, and other things from across Thedas with their own unique stories tied to them. Cole knows most of them himself, but he enjoys experiencing the happy feelings of those he wasn't present for whenever he visits.

 

The one thing that draws Cole in the most whenever he's there though is a row of wooden boxes sitting on a table, each one designated for a particular member of the inner circle. That's where he is now, looking through each one to see the new objects gifted from them to the Inquisitor. Each time he opens a lid, his breath hitches because of the strength of emotions that overflow out of each one. It almost feels as though each of them are in the room there with him. Cole can feel every emotion behind each gift, and the overwhelming amount of appreciation and joy in response to them.

 

When he reaches the last box, which is the one designated for him, his hands are trembling. He's never opened his own before, unreasonable and confusing fear enveloping him before he can even lay eyes on it. This is what he's supposed to do though. To learn more about them, to tell how the Inquisitor feels about him. His senses are in overdrive. Every groove of the wooden lid catches the nerves in his fingertips.

 

Cole abruptly forces the lid up, and it clatters gracelessly on the surface of the dresser. What he sees, not alone feels, is riveting to the point that he audibly gasps and has to brace his weight on the furniture, but never takes his eyes off the box.

 

It's filled with every object Cole has ever given them, even the insignificant things. Weeds he found that he thought were beautiful, a beetle encased in amber. There was even the once full bowl of his share of food he'd left by their tent in the Hissing Wastes. They had refused to eat at the time, because food had been dwindling quickly due to a severely delayed supply cart. Instead they made sure each of the Inquisition's agents and soldiers were receiving enough to eat. It was very honorable, and admiration had grew for them that night, but Cole knew that they needed their strength.

 

Everything is there. The box is quite literally to the point of overflowing, far more filled than the others. He reaches in, hesitantly, and delicately grabs the item on top, the most recent one, which is a glass pendant of a bird he had saved enough coin for to buy from one of the merchants in Skyhold. He believed it would look beautiful on the Inquisitor, but he hadn't seen them wear it. His initial thought was that perhaps they hadn't liked it, or was to embarrassed to wear it out in public. But now that Cole was seeing it again, he knew he had it all wrong.

 

"-clasp it around my neck. Falls close to the heart. Face flushed, confused, but… excited. Considers wearing it outside, but there's a chance it may break. So very delicate and beautiful," The emotions manifest themselves so strongly, that Cole can almost swear that they're in the room there with him, right behind him, and if he looks over his shoulder, they'd be so close and-

 

"I want to show everyone, but I'm very jealous over it. Even as a kid, I was never good at sharing," They chuckle lightly, and Cole can feel their breath on his neck. The heat of it runs up his spine and into his cheeks. He feels lightheaded from the proximity. "I wear it in private, always. It makes me happy, in a way you don't understand yet."

 

"Cole, I can help you understand," They whisper in his ear, and the spirit's whole body begins to tremble. Somewhere during the ordeal, he had ended up in the Inquisitor's bed, surrounded by the contents of the box. The Inquisitor has their elbows are on either side of Cole's head, and while his eyes are almost fully lidded, he can tell their dilated pupils are fixed on him. His hand is fisted in some scrap silk he found Val Royeaux, and the bird pendant dangles from their neck, and lays gently above Cole's heart. It's so incredibly intimate that he feels the need to move away, but lets them keep him there. His entire face is burning, and he can feel the flush on his chest. The Inquisitor smiles, and leans in close so their lips are nearly touching, but stops to make Cole do the rest.

 

Hearts pounding, encouraged by the fire of burning desire. It consumes the oxygen between, leaving them breathless and gasping for air. Cole can feel their fingers in his hair, on his scalp, scorching the skin they touch. He leans up, his body instinctively doing what he was unsure to do. The Inquisitor closes their eyes, so he does to, lips tingling as they brush against-

 

Creeak.

 

Cole jolts straight up at the sound of the door opening. Panicked, he opts for dangling over the edge of the balcony, out of sight, leaving the contents of the box strewn about the bed.

 

He can barely hear the Inquisitor's footsteps halting abruptly over the sound of his heartbeat. In one hand, the glass bird pendant is clutched tightly in his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was not my original attention to make that scene get heated like that. Oops! Anyone wanna beta this work? DM or comment!


End file.
